Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo (William Shakespeare)

Dream on mate!

Looking over the balcony I see people going about there lives, I watch in admiration and jealousy. How do they do it, where I am stuck in the plains in my head my mind in deep yurning it turns to pain and it hurts. But no one sees it no one hears the in me call out in this bubble when my outside don’t show the real me in side it’s a Feeling of being judged the look over the sound of my voice people get it right then wrong I feel wrong to correct them back.

I am me, just incomplete it’s not a phase I I am not a phase so no mocking. How can I love or be loved when I am incomplete. Feeling all you can do is watch the world spin on as there’s no qwick solutions and a don’t think some one would want a broken person. So I will have to wait.

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Things to forget

Things to forget

The things I need to remember I forget, the things I should of let go of I remember. The past is gone it can’t be changed but my head hold on to it like a ember,it burns smolders and re-lights I feel new pain and old self fights, let it go and think of the now no negativity no tears no pain feel the sun dance in the rain, make most of the time we have to give and make sure we make time to really live.We learn alot on this bumpy road with no map it’s quite a unknown, so talk,write those head foes away time to move on its a new day there are times to remember full of fun so make this day a happy one. 

The lost Vampire 

The lost Vampire 

He had always felt he was different from the others in the shadows they relished there lives there immortality he did not. It had been over 150 years since the rebirth the others had moved on,he still had his head in the past.

He walked alone in the damp night air a street lamp ahead of him flickered on and off with a fant orange glow making the path ahead flick with dancing shades of shadow and orange. His mood was dark, a wave of sadness and anger washed over him. Punching through the lamppost and pulling out the wires the street circling around him went black. Slumping down to the cold ground head in his hands, mind lost in the past all those people so many he could of spent these endless nights with,things he had done all that blood and for what? He had not embrace his endless life it just haunted him, growling out to the night a dark shape low the ground responded dashing out from the wall next to him and down the street. More brown rats, like him hated by the world but they survive, like he had done and continued to do. 

The night was disappearing fast he need to get his act together and head back. The sun would be rising soon and not fancying being grilled time to go. Getting up gave his jacket a brush down and glanced about himself then preceded alone the road disappearing into the cover of darkness with the dawn hot on his heals. 

Looking through me

What do you see when you glance at me chair,table,book, best shirt, jeans,blue shoes,head on hand, starring in space, watching horizon, people, chatting, sunset. Do you see someone who wants to be alone,not true.

You don’t see me as I want you to see me, you don’t see me you may see a lady confused,short hair, not male not true. 

Yes my body doesn’t match your ideas of what a man is what makes a man?

Lights purple, spot lights, floor of light puddles, lost glitter, lights lite up face I stream silently at you to the room to the world, look at me, see me, the world walks by.

And yet I am not seen I am a shadow I am alone in my thoughts, I dance, I spin, I know where I am I know who I am,but you don’t see i look through a one way mirror every minute every hour every day. till I can prove to you I am a man do I need to prove why should I prove?what do I need to do to brake this mirror as it hurts,

Do we need to prove a say,prove we are human? 

Do I need to prove to the world I need love? 

What makes a man a man see me don’t look through me.

Earl Grey and pain au raisin

Its the simple thing a coffee shop (or Espresso Bar ) a hot drink a bite to eat and a place to sit, maybe with friends or just you. I place to read the latest news, a word search a last minute email to work or just sit a sip tea/coffee watch the world. 

People from all walks of life no matter gender, age,religious beliefs or how your dressed suit and tie,tee shirt, jeans and trainers or sarees we all meet and united over coffee/tea. So I know it’s a business and there’s still things to work on but the principles of every one united by one individual object,place of idea I feel can be done,it is done. It shows unity and acceptance over a common ground, yes we all have our difference’s yet we do have things in common. We can remember that there are the big things like we are all human and small things like unity over a hot drink in a local coffee shop.

Man lessons from Robin Hood!

Was just thinking ( I know I do that a lot) just watched Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, the movie where Robin gets the woman he loves after a bow and arrow battle in the woods and then sword fight rescue in a castle after all of that he gets married and happy ever after the end. I know it’s a movie and things don’t happen like that in real life, such as walking around unharmed after falling into a burning house, but that is not really what i am thinking about.

What I want to talk about from this film is the idea of the old art of fairytale and movie shivaree and bringing it to the modern day. The idea of the gentleman but using ones words instead of swords to help others and at the same time keeping in mind style and politeness. (Not trying to be being a super hero )

It’s having the fundamentals in mind such as being polite and keeping your word such as in the film for example Robin hood stays true to the cause and helps fight for the others around him not just himself. Other things also such as being hard working, having respect for others, and being humble are just some of the things to think it’s about. Learning by researching mens fashions in history, flim and through media and books we can get a idea and a sense that can help us find our way in the world as men, but be true to yourself don’t act just be what you feel inside. For me the fascination and the mannerisms of being a gentleman suite me and my journey in both transition and in life. Its what ever suits you but watching others and looking into the world of men helps. . 

Hello people!

Hello people!

 

Very new to blogs so here goes. I identify as FTM which means I am Transgender, and in transition from female to male.

In my blogs I will include topics related to the LGBTQI community and all things Transgender and what I have to do as a Trans male to fit into society’s man box ( do we really need to be all in boxes?) Even now we have set ways from the time we are born to school life and living in general, and not being brought up as male I have to learn it all from scratch and same for all who are in transition things guys take for granted or do with out thinking learning to walk as a guy  (as they do walk a bit differently) or standing waiting it is all a bit art form and I didn’t know it existed.

I will try include Day to day events and example of things I come across good and bad when it comes to gender, and also some tips and pointers in living as a guy. I don’t about you but for me and for those trans guys out there who really don’t want to be the next body building champion, I am not saying you can’t go to the gym, but it’s also about being yourself not the stereo type.

General things will also be included along the way like my interests, fashion, books, movies and thoughts ( lots of thinking, I think way to much)

So people grab a tea or coffee(mines a black tea no suger please.) and maybe a slice of cake and we will begin! ☕